I've hit the 90-day milestone on Carnivore. In another timeline, this would be a festive day to celebrate the success of the first campaign contributing toward achieving a year-long goal. But, I feel...defeated when I really should feel like I'm winning.

I experience these lyrics from Shinedown's Burning Bright:

There's nothing ever wrong,
But nothing's ever right
Such a cruel contradiction
I know I crossed the line,
It's not easy to define
I'm born to indecision
There's always something new,
Some path I'm supposed to choose
With no particular rhyme or reason

Yes, there's nothing wrong, but there's nothing quite right, either. A large part of my Carnivore experience was one that came off as clockwork for morning and lunch while attuned to my appetite. It was just beef, bacon and water. Today, it's the aforementioned along with salt; coffee and butter; and eggs whenever I want.

I guess if I would put my finger on my despondency is simply my inability to workout due to one injury after another this year. Right now, every step I take is a sharp pain in my left heel from what I suspect is from my failed attempt to push a vehicle from the snow—briefly, I thought I could call forth the power of my Viking and Neanderthal forebearers, but instead, I received a take-home gift of another ding.

See, this new thing I've got I can massage the pain up from heel into my calf. Turning 43 this summer, I'm even more impressed by Tom Brady's 43 with both a Super Bowl ring and his deft avoidance of chronic inflammation. All I got to say is sign me up for some of that pliability!

In these recent weeks, I feel pulled toward two different outcomes, should I use WordPress on NearlyFreeSpeech or hang out on GitHub Pages? I know whenever something like this plagues me, it's never about the items themselves. Like the interpretation of a dream, they are but elements on the stage. The thing is, I have yet to receive my Orphan Annie Secret Society decoder pin in the mail.

Like any good dream interpretation, let's at least snap these components into a context; what's my take on them? WordPress is where I jam unaddressed letters into a rusty mailbox. Despite my running Display Posts Shortcode, I just feel like the moment I write, they'll never be read again...well, read in the context of by humans and not all of these Cylons that jump in with their hot-to-the-touch FTL drives.

While I try to invoke a level of humanity on my site by providing real-time data of songs played, does it really matter? Do we even seek humanity anymore? Or, do we just want beliefs confirmation? People say they want friendship, but I suspect they just want identities of ideality affirmation. This is what the cascade failures of echo chambers with social media's hyperspace have wrought. What does it matter what we say or shadow puppet?

No one reads. Just post a picture that can pass as identification to the gatekeeper. Take your seat at the "popular" kids' lunch table. Now, repeat what everyone else says ad nauseum. There's no creativity: it's just a copy-and-paste world.

In this silent ocean context, do or do not update a WordPress install—individuals are inconsequential and meritless insofar as their contribution beyond crowdsourcing, trending data or whatever else the black box of Big Data's extrapolating interpolation prints out as preacher's notes upon the lectern for a service with an infinite choir and not a single pew.

And then there is GitHub Pages. How might I connote it? Where does it fit through the lens of my dream interpretation? GitHub is a place where people store creativity's child of handcrafted code while holding onto a faith in human connection for collaboration. To me, since the txt file journals I upload to GitHub don't become lost down a MySQL rabbit hole, they are real, as far as something digital can be real, anyway. Instead of being another cog in the collective, each stands on its own. I respect each post as such as I write, even though I generally fail to meet that criteria, for my head is in two worlds at once with WP and GH. I write for me with my GH site and I suspect that's the best approach when it comes to thoughtful journaling...it's not some sort of emotional vomit, but more of a meditative practice, different from other writing venues where there is a bit of a guessing game going on how we can best serve our principal audience.

So back with the issue at hand, what is the better path? As I ping pong between two choices, I recognize it has nothing to do with web hosting.

In yesterday's post, I had pinned my hopes on my completing a workout before writing this post. While I took the opportunity for a quick walk around the yard to take pictures of snow or stated in another way, assess the probability of leaving the house today, I just didn't take advantage of that 4AM hour...or 5AM...or 6AM, even! There's something about the winter or at least a frosty gym that runs counter to my workouts. Instead, I eat about a stick of butter a day via a coffee transport as I continue on my beefy carnivore diet.

I look forward to next week's The 18th's weigh-in; however, I don't suspect it'll be a double-digit loss, but what do I know? Since I'm not moving around, I don't know if I feel lighter; I feel...same. That said, I'm less than three days away from reaching the 90-day mark on this diet, the goal that I've heard is the first milestone as a carnivore. I love eating this way and it has NOT involved a herculean effort like past efforts of sustaining and tracking:1) soy drinks; 2) broccoli, spinach and flax seed crackers; and 3) expensive Vitamin Shoppe supplementation. Yeah, I lost weight temporarily with that low-calorie nonsense while gripping tightly on my faith in the government and corporations in doing the right thing by providing applicable nutritional data. If I think about, that takes on a lot more faith than I have with those two entities—they're not exactly the bastions of truth, are they?

What makes more sense is for me to do what we did before there were governments and corporations, or even the system of agriculture. The problem with our continued move into a virtual existence is our increased isolation to what is real. We just sit up in stands while the game is chosen and played before us. I think we're led to our outrage/sympathy as opposed to getting there on our own, which makes me wonder if a dystopian world involves less neon than what movies have portrayed.

All of that is too big for me. I just seek authenticity.