This site is the existential tangent between my soul and the ether of the Net—not that we can divorce our physicality from either space on this side of the great chasm, whether its the smelting of the one or the square-peg-meets-round-hole of the other. On the eve of 2018, I write to the future. I dream of the eve of 2019, when I can look back and see a trail with all of its wonderful idiosyncrasies and critical junctures that unfurled onto a landscape of spirited change dripping in its own vitality. May a stoic bookshelf with its reef of dust be far from me! YET...that is the fear: another year where the overarching progression is in the slow march to the grave. On the one hand, the body is served with all of the scarcity that entangles, where on the other, there is the soul that chooses between the ease of confinement and the burden of freedom.

Where does all of this leave me? The eve awaits.

In this phase of my life, I find that I will sway between two choices. As I begin a new fast, its start has been tainted by vacillation as well. I want to finally make a choice and move away from it, which is satisfying for your friendly neighborhood INTJ'er.

Site Design

I have been bouncing between a dynamic website (WordPress engine) vs. an old school static site. Choosing one or the other would make a great direction—in essence, they wind up becoming the same entity, namely, basically a static experience for the user as it relates to cached content. A PHP/MYSQL site gives me more options as it relates to pulling in dynamic content and ease of update, but the engine and code is such an awkward beast to manhandle. If I can remember to close my tags, a simple HTML/CSS alone site is clean, blazingly fast, and readily understood. Either approach is fine; I just need to choose the better for this seesaw, for this endless ride prevents me from actual content creation.

Since I have limited Internet access and I am uninterested in running a local LAMP server in a test environment in parallel, I want to make this site simple while retaining the strength of the content. Winner: HTML/CSS static

Site Approach

The reason I develop this website oscillates as well. Sometimes, I prefer to make this place a useful tool for visitors; other times, I want just a simple place for self-expression. Ultimately, as there are plenty of DIY and encyclopedic websites that I do not have the time to outpace. As I cannot develop an expert position on everything I would like to delve into (or the audience thereof), it just makes more sense to make this site more of a narrative of things that I find useful and share my own take on life, whatever value that can possibly be mined from it. Winner: personal, general

Weightloss Schema

I have been indecisive as to how I want to approach weightloss. I considered vegan, Atkins, and fasting approaches. While I cannot speak to Atkins, I have lost substantial weight in the other two disciplines, but as I move among all three (while pouring in the occasional addict binge), I cannot find success, anymore than a NFL team cannot function effectively if they continuously bring in coordinators with new systems. Winner: fasting for initial thrust

Conclusion

Clearly, a failure to remain steadfast has spread though many of my pursuits. I specifically do not know the cause of this behavior. I tend to lean to the duality we find in Scripture, that everpresent tension found in the elect with respect to our sin nature—how can we choose to sin when we have been chosen by God?

But, I am not alone in this apparent indecision, though it may be wrong to be considered as such. Look at all the New Year resolutions that are created and seriously followed for a good two weeks of the year. They launch from the docks with great fanfare, yet soon lose their momentum and are listless in the sea before forgotten in a plunge to the depths.

I realize that when I fail and pull myself up off that bloody canvas, I do not have to create and apply an entire new system; I need to persevere through and trust the plan. Sometimes when we think there is greener grass, we our tenacity toward success will fail.

Recently, I sat down with that question we all have, "what should I do with my life?" Of course, this questions assumes that we are to fulfill our responsibilities and obligations. Falling all underneath the umbrella of purpose, the question's intent asks two things: 1) how do we meet those duties; 2) how should we shape everything outside those duties—simply, what stuff do we dump into our schedule, right?

This question, "what should I do with my life?" or more simply stated, "now what?" comes to us during times of transition; I distinctly remember college graduation coming upon me with the realization that I did not have a strong interest in entering the field of my major, other than for the cash grab and that is a dim motivation. At the time, I did not know God would introduce me to a place where I would experience Christianity that is fully alive and can found on a Friday morning as much as a Sunday. At that time, a fervent prayer that I shared with so many twentysomething Christians involved destination questions. It is easy to see why this might be, no more school, few responsibilities, and a wide world. Choose Your Own Adventure could have been our mantra.

Looking back, it was never about the specifics. That was the wrong approach.I should have prayed for the values and design of my life. Does it matter if we are a Cleveland cobbler or a Calcutta cakemaker? When we are young, we are excited by the "what's;" I suppose most of the world is as well. But what is by far more intrinsic and applicable to those "destination lives" is who we are—that is the driver.

Nevertheless, I sat down with this question, "what should I do with my life?" Sanctification. Or less theology-ish, "Prepare to go to heaven." These four sentences from Romans sums up my life:

For when you were slaves of sin, you were free in regard to righteousness. But what fruit were you getting at that time from the things of which you are now ashamed? For the end of those things is death. But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves of God, the fruit you get leads to sanctification and its end, eternal life.

Romans 6:20-22, ESV

It doesn't get much simpler than that. Sanctification. Perhaps I should say approaching sanctification, like a curve toward an axis, since we are never fully sanctified on this side of eternity. That said, we don't just sit back and enjoy the ride to holiness. We work out our salvation in fear and trembling (Philippians 2:12), not for our justification, but toward our sanctification. I like this passage from J.C. Ryle's Holiness: Its Nature, Hindrances, Difficulties and Roots:

...it would not be difficult to point out at least twenty-five or thirty distinct passages in the Epistles where believers are plainly taught to use active personal exertion, and are addressed as responsible for doing energetically what Christ would have them do, and are not told to "yield themselves" up as passive agents and sit still, but to arise and work. A holy violence, a conflict, a warfare, a fight, a soldier's life, a wrestling, are spoken of as characteristic of the true Christian. The account of "the armour of God" in the sixth chapter of Ephesians, one might think, settles the question.—Again, it would be easy to show that the doctrine of sanctification without personal exertion, by simply "yielding ourselves to God," is precisely the doctrine of the antinomian fanatics in the seventeenth century (to whom I have referred already, described in Rutherford's "Spiritual Antichrist"), and that the tendency of it is evil in the extreme.—Again, it would be easy to show that the doctrine is utterly subversive of the whole teaching of such tried and approved books as "Pilgrim's Progress," and that if we receive it we cannot do better than put Bunyan's old book in the fire! If Christian in "Pilgrim's Progress" simply yielded himself to God, and never fought, or struggled, or wrestled, I have read the famous allegory in vain. But the plain truth is, that men will persist in confounding two things that differ,—that is, justification and sanctification. In justification the word to be addressed to man is believe,—only believe; in sanctification the word must be, "watch, pray, and fight."

J.C. Ryle

We spend our lives wrestling and maneuvering against sin with minds in heaven. Or, far better stated,

If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.

Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry. On account of these the wrath of God is coming. In these you too once walked, when you were living in them. But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth. Do not lie to one another, seeing that you have put off the old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its creator. Here there is not Greek and Jew, circumcised and uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave, free; but Christ is all, and in all.

Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

Colossians 3:1-17, ESV

Now, that, was the answer I should have sought after college graduation when I asked God what I should do with my life! Essentially, we are to be sanctified, made holy, set apart...not unlike the seventh day of creation, yet in our sanctification, we enter the Lord's rest. A Saturday.