everyone I know
goes away in the end
you could have it all
my empire of dirt

–Hurt covered by Johnny Cash

We scurry along in our lives upon this fruitless pursuit of vanity. What shall I eat? What shall I wear? What shall I drive? What shall I use to distract from the pain of a pointless life?

Man's accolades: pointless. Man's esteemed positions: pointless. How mighty are you when you shall be forgotten soon after your death? Or worse, forgotten while you are still alive? If I garner accolades and esteem from men or if I refuse to engage this foolish game of pride, in the end, I shall be forgotten and mislabeled as a senile, old man who is seemingly "out of touch" with reality.

How great you once were, yet now pushed aside. I shall find this fate.

Why are we compelled to pursue such pointless vanities? Do we beat upon our chest and with our foolish pride, demand that the world look at us for we are great– independence from everyone and dependence on no one? Sad lives we would lead if the extent of our existence is what we find within this fallen world.

May the glory be given to God. I choose to reject the misaligned focus on acquiring wealth through a career path apart from God. I choose something infinitely greater. The world can have its empire of dirt. The great deceiver is the great salesman. How is it possible for us to be manipulated to give our lives over to a pile of dirt that soon is blown away by the breeze of time? Yet, we choose that which is worthless.

I reject man's wisdom. I reject the notion that I am independent. What falsehood has been spoken! What profits a man to work 35-40 years in a career pursuing the dollar or man's praise? He starts his career and believes that once he finds a stable position, he will be happy. Happiness is not found there, so he feels that perhaps if he remains in the position and receives promotions, that happiness will be found there. Happiness is not found there. He climbs the pinnacle of the organizational chart and– happiness is not found there. He has found that the world has lied to him. So he retires, thinking that happiness can now be found from removing himself from his career. Shall he find it there? Woe to the man who looks for contentment apart from God! Neither women nor drunken revelry shall fill his hunger.

This pursuit we have for wealth, to own "things" in our lives, how pointless it is indeed! We pursue that which we think will provide our own self-gratification. We waste the hours of our days with mind numbing activities of console gaming and television, television which serves to inject us with the world's agenda. Our pride, our pursuit of independence, has fattened us and we "have too much and disown (Him) and say, ‘Who is the LORD?'"

What good is a pointless life which pursues satiating our sinful man? Vanity!

My job here at U of M seems so pointless. I walk by all the shiny Mercedes, BMW's, and Cadillac SUV's and think how all of it is SUCH rubbish! A BMW Z3 convertible was in front of me as I drove through the garage with one of those hundred dollar bill air fresheners and I thought it was all so pointless. Pretty on the outside, but death on the inside.

"Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence. Blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup and dish, and then the outside also will be clean. Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of dead men's bones and everything unclean. In the same way, on the outside you appear to people as righteous but on the inside you are full of hypocrisy and wickedness."

I am considering what Jesus told the rich, young ruler: "Sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me." I'm looking for opportunities from a global perspective where I can go and follow Him directly. My vision is big. My God is big. I hunger to pursue after righteousness.

I'm preparing myself for the time in which I am called.

It has been some time since I have written in my blog, a pursuit which should be a near daily occurrence, yet something in which I have held off for I do not feel up to the task of writing toward the far reaches of my psyche's depths. Unfortunately, a good amount of time has passed since I have written in this venue and this in itself is a tragedy.

Though I was away, I have written quite a bit and perhaps I shall divulge some of those writings here. Jeremy moved this site back to his home server and with the limited upload bandwidth, my site is sluggish, but its great to use the resources of a static IP.

I will spend some time in the future to bring the reader up to speed concerning my present position in life, but until that time, allow me to share that I have been involving myself with the Loop and Highpoint church. It has been beneficial.

I do put a lot of pressure to perform upon myself and my lack of writing in here of late is clear evidence of that attribute about me. Once again, I am planning the revitalization of various segments of my life within the areas of discipline and training. Unfortunately, I have yet to find a solution with regard to my plans of the past of maintaining their success.

It is so easy to slide into comfort.