I typed out my "letter of resignation" for my volunteer work at the Ugly Mug. My last night will be Friday, August 2.

For a year now until the last few weeks, I have really enjoyed volunteering for it has been an opportunity to serve God while learning the "inner workings" of a coffeehouse.

These past few Friday nights I've lost the "love" for volunteering there and lately I've been loathing it due to the additional duties one does for closing. I think now that I work during the day on Fridays, it adds an additional burden when I work "behind-the-counter" for the five hour shift when we're open, and THEN close and find myself home around 1:30 AM.

I also think I'm affected that the Mug is increasingly separating itself from being a ministry. Although there are Mug volunteers who are actively involved in the ministry, the Mug itself is transforming into an entity that does not have ministry as its focus. As a legal individual with the acquisition of profit as its primary goal (and holding my BBA I have no issues for any business to pursue such an endeavor) I am less inclined to work for no salary.

My role as a systems consultant remains unaltered for the Venture ministry.

The free time will allow me to focus upon the possibility of a second job and pursuing graduate school.

Ahh... the emotional flux in which we all find ourselves amidst. There are moments when all of the world is in your pocket and you're whistling some merry ol' tune, perhaps the theme to the Andy Griffith Show, and you're content with being content.

Yet, there are darker moments when from pocket to shoulder the world thunders with an intensifying weight which allows little room for the next gasp of air.

To an extent, it is an issue of one's attitude, the perspective he decides for himself what side he will take. One's attitude, his temperament, is not something which comes from external prodding into one's being. Yes, the external can be quite influential upon us, but we are the ones who choose how we handle a situation, for better, or for the more easily choice that leads to worse.

Applying this to the realm of my own, I understand that if I allow certain events to shape me to my own detriment, then I am already beaten. I should shape the events around me, not allow the inverse.

Yet, how easy is it to grasp for the Dark Side.

The most vital battle we face in our lives is that of an internal nature. If we are able to "sync" up with ourselves, how much easier can an external foe be vanquished, yet if one cannont control from within, how can he control that which is out?

For a long time, I've waged various battles against the sinful nature that is within me and as Paul states, I do what I do not want to do. There are areas in my life in which I desire to overhaul and I am "locked and loaded" at the target of my own body in regards to my weight of 241. For someone who wrestled in his senior year of high school at the same height now but 78 lbs lighter at 163, it is a bit of a load to carry daily and it is beginning to break my body down.

Halloween is my target date to reach 170, a total of 71 lbs marked for deletion. Yes, it does present an arduous challenge for me, but I am convinced that I have both the tools and the heart to accomplish this in 16 weeks.