There is a space, I suppose I could call it a virtualized instance when breadmaking that—maybe that's not right. Yes, the place is a one-off thing, never repeating and it feels self-contained. Still, this tech angle has its own connotative angle and I am not wishing to convey that, regardless of the relationship between the construct and its user.

...OK, so there's this special spot when breadmaking where I feel singular in the moment. And for the lack of a better metaphor, yes, it is in this special moment where I think.

Developing my eleventh and twelfth loaves since July 1, I had this idea in my head: when does life (or perhaps our focus/outlook) shift from what life 'is' to what life 'was'? And by extension, when do we wrap up life at that point?

When you're young, the whole world is out there—you can go in ANY direction! But as the odometer spins, the number of roads available to you narrows until I suspect you are left with only the road you are on, not unlike those pavement paths.

I'm not saying that is going to happen to me anytime soon, of course. Still, I recognize that eleven years ago today, I just started teaching in the Czech Republic. I have driven far beyond those days.

I'll look at this 2018 archived version of this site on Wayback Machine with a smile. Sure, it is primitive even for that design as I made better choices further down the road. But, it was representative of the time when I didn't know what was out there. I hoped, but did not know I could get below 200 lbs. I spent many years above that 300 lb threshold; we can easily adopt a "Well, this is just who I am" mindset. In those days, I knew nothing of carnivore. I believed wholesale in the calorie/vegetarian nonsense. I might as well have just returned to the 90s and demonized saturated fats. "Vegetable oil is good for you because it is made with vegetables!" Who knew that the margarine folks completely got that one wrong? We get too smart for our own britches.

That low-calorie slow lane is among the roads I won't be driving down again.

I have been watching old episodes of Computer Chronicles. In the one below, the new Windows 98 is featured. While it is a Microsoft-heavy episode, it also interviews someone who should be right up there with Bill Gates and Steve Jobs, if not beyond, for his contributions to tech, Linus Torvalds, the inventor of Linux.

The Internet runs on Linux; most smartphones run on Linux; the best supercomputers run on it. And it's a nifty desktop OS. It has fostered the open-source community. The Internet would not be what it is today without that. And it all started with just a dude who gave it away.

YouTube Link

Still, I remember where I was and how I thought about tech and what I was going to do with it. It was a niche, a hobby, something that was unique about me. Computers were not like today where everyone falls asleep to it and immediately grasps for it upon waking. No, I cannot return to that road. I can look back and point to where it was on the map. But, there's no route back.

And who knows of the road hierarchy that lies ahead? But, I recognize the opportunity costs of driving down this road; for every single highway I choose, I choose to not go down all the other avenues.

Like Cincinnati, We're On to Fifty

Did I inadvertently punch in a cheat code? Did I tumble down a wormhole? I was supposed to be this way when I hit 50. Yesterday at 45, I inexplicably found I am more indifferent to the outside; I changed. Sports, politics, economics—whatever, I just do not care. The participants are outsiders; the stories have little relevance. I make no impact on these people or events. I understand the core of the narrative and how it goes ad nauseum.

I now grasp why my Dad never had an interest in sports or cars that were not his own. There are things I personally am excited about my involvement in doing and getting done—little things. They don't have the weight of eternal glory. Like, how cool it would be to create my own little model town with a functioning train and LED lights?

Yesterday, I ran this site with a different title. "just a geek" I felt it was appropriate, though not a lot of meat on those bones semantically. I wanted something like, "not a god, but just a man." That is rich theologically, however, easily misinterpreted and...TOO LONG. So, I am back with INTJ Bill—BUT in lowercase! "Wow, wow, wow...wow."

A Long Network Run

My removal of some of the resolutions from the list is not the same as my shelving them. I still DM every Sunday for my family; as always, there is Tabletop Thursday with them. Others, like the 300,000/month step goal never had much of a footing. I mean, why? 10K steps is overrated. Of course, I liked that goal because it was just another number where I had to go out of my way for extra movement. That's why there was once a time in my life it was set to 20k. This city living tends to stagnate.

That said, I do appreciate a gray water line that goes to a sewer and not the highway. That thing I had would back up and flood out of the garage sink, especially if I chose to wash clothes and run the dishwasher at the same time. Eventually, I'd just washed dishes by hand. It was consistent with my hanging up clothes outside to dry once that Samsung side loader went belly up after a year.

The thing is, while in the moment those things seemed to steal my day, in reality, they opened up my playbook. I used those opportunities to listen to applicative audiobooks, impactful podcasts and insightful sermons. All were game changers. My mind and body got stronger. Those chores were not convenient. But, that time in the country was critical to who I am today.

Who does not want Rosie the Robot, the housemaid from The Jetson's? Sign me up!

Likely, she would need to call back to her handlers, which would have been a problem. Internet access was precious in those days as I divvied up the hotspot access each month, those 30 GB's still preferable to Viasat satellite which is the telephone party line of the high-tech redneck. This again, underscores the increased challenges of the country mouse over his city cousin in today's technological landscape.

Indeed, it separates exceedingly in this year's singularity of artificial intelligence critical mass. It feels odd to know that every intellectual advantage I have over the average guy on the street has been eliminated. What good is education? What good is intelligence? Just to spot mistakes in AI answers?

In the past, Googling was an art to filter out quality content over the mundane to ensure it was sourced appropriately. Today, AI shovels rich content while refusing to cite sources; I'm afraid this will condition us over time just to accept the answers are right like we did during the zombie outbreak...well, most did. "Fire up the Damn Yankees, boys. Don't Jab On Me." And maybe that's the biggest difference between the country and the city: metropolis mice are mindless minions mimicking the mandated machinations.

And AI does anything and everything more artfully than I can! But what do I lose in the process? What potential? More sinisterly: who controls its purse strings? I have already noticed political slants by AI's handlers. And should something dominate our lives that can be entirely eliminated by just pulling a single cord, flipping a single circuit?

Who are we without this artificial existence? And in a larger discussion of the Internet, who are we when the voices are silenced, when the buzz of electricity is the waft of an extinguished candle?

"Get In Ma Belly!"

When I awoke yesterday morning, my plan was to do what I do every day, wind up eating something like 230 grams of fat and about 10 grams over my targeted protein amount. I thought I'd approach this day like any other. My wife gave me a 6.7 oz of Versace Dylan Blue the other day and I thought that was that. But, no she gave me another surprise: bagged collections of pork rinds and fried pork fat from the Mexican grocery; salmon; prosciutto; a few lbs of chicken wings; a 12-pack of my carbonated water; and ingredients for an oopsie cake.

Did I eat all of that? Hardly! Is my 75-gram protein target average obliterated for this Expedition? Pretty much!

For the day, I escaped the day with over 50 grams of protein for the day and the most net carbs since November: TWELVE! "Whoopsie" oopsie...cake!

I have not had oopsie cake since my first Carniversary in 2021. But when I did, I then went on a half-a-yearlong binge of heavy whipping cream. Fingers are crossed I don't do a repeat of that! I feel fairly certain that I won't do THAT again.

I am a sucker for a good acronym. They have power, don't they? Who wants to participate in the National Basketball Association? It sounds like a trade association that meets up once a year with foldout tables at a Holiday Inn just off I-75 next to the Cracker Barrel. Beyond the heated discussions of the impact of rubber commodity trading, the only action at the event revolves around the strawberry jelly doughnuts.

Sometimes the acronym can have a larger meaning beyond the thing itself. The classic here is CPU. People will reference it erroneously for the entire desktop—that amalgamation of drives, a motherboard, cooling fans, a power supply, etc., instead of the central processing unit itself.

I wanted to be S.P.E.C.I.A.L. I thought I did anyway. Collectively, it felt greater. It gave me fuzzies. It wasn't special as in "I AM SPECIAL," the kind where it almost makes a fella wanna hug himself! No! I borrowed the acronym from Fallout 4. I felt the acronym could be a fun ride of self-improvement in areas of strength, perception, endurance, charisma, intelligence, agility and...luck? 7 areas. And I felt 3s were strong, so 3 in each category. This system, while COMPLETELY arbitrary, had just if not MORE power than the items themselves. If I had an idea for a 4th area to improve?

"Sorry, no room gotta cut it."

If I only had 2 ideas?

"Just make up one that feeds into the success of the other."

There are 21 items. Can I name them all? ...eventually. Are they substantive? Could I spend an hour at a coffeehouse with an ally to explain what needs to be done for their success and what new boon I will receive on achieving it?

Or, did I just make a clever checklist?

Shouldn't I do things that actually matter? Things I get excited about while sharing?

In a very real way, tonight is a new year's eve. I am over a couple of hours away from closing in on having been 45 years on this earth. Are these 21 items what I am gunning for as I begin my 46th year?