I have been considering the rest of the year and how I might shape it. Yesterday, I had plans for today's post to be about how I went heavy on a bloodthirsty, autodidact build. Plowing through a UFC Fight Pass, my focus would then turn toward a tour across audiobooks. I would write how I recreated a LibraryThing account for tracking purposes and entered all of the books from 2020 and 2021. Yet, I leave the audiobooks construct behind; I deleted my LibraryThing account. It was from a time in my life when it played a critical role in bringing me here. I have moved further down the path.

This was then. Things have changed. Last night, I ate. And ate. And ate. Cold chicken wings. 14.6 ounces—over 3 days of what I would usually eat of that! OK, so it was only 10-11 wings, but in my macro world, it was a LOT. And cold chicken wings...well, it is simply NOT the sort of thing ANYONE binges on! Later that night, I knocked back some fried-up prosciutto. For the day, I had 270 grams of fat and an astounding 169 grams of protein, far from my target of 75.

I do not know what it was. My body might have wanted to ramp up repairs or maybe it recognizes that chicken is not beef for something is lacking with chicken. Then again, it might have been something else entirely.

I woke up today before my 3 AM target, around 2:30. As I lay there, I instantly took my percussive massager to my lats. My discomfort was not derived from Monday's Back day, but Wednesday's Leg day. On that day, I felt like my form was wrong as I was not getting as low as I should have into my squats while I held the weights. Seems like my two days later verification was right! Nevertheless, I bounced into the garage 15 minutes early, did a longer shadowbox session and hit the Arms workout. I even felt like the weights were lighter than last week! Sure, there was discomfort in my back, but it was just a reminder to me how that area has been flagged for further enhancement.

I pulled up into the BRC parking lot. I sat there for a moment. I got out, my car door puncturing the solace of the pre-dawn morning. Was this the last time? I looked across the meadow and saw the lights of the remnants of my family's print shops. Just beyond the treeline, there was the locus of a blown-out candle. The gym never was what it was supposed to be, but was a worn memorial to what once was. Instead of a place of vigor and renewal with a friend, it was a place of loneliness. I circled along the track as the "49ers" were warming up for their circuit training, a resounding metaphor for Bartlett today. A Van Halen song that once was a song on my Casper Creek drive OST echoed across the rafters. And then, Dust in the Wind haunted the space. I did not fight back my response and even took off my Dunder Mifflin Paper Company ballcap. I let the song play in its entirety. I then hit the doors. It was over.

Yesterday, I picked up a Garmin badge I wanted for a couple of weeks now:

Run the Star Wars Galaxy - Join this Disney 100 Years of Wonder challenge and record 100 minutes of running activities in May.

I did the first 71 minutes at the gym and was unsure if I would finish the remaining 29 minutes since I am moving away from running to mitigate risk. I "ran" non-stop in the pool yesterday as fast as I could. It's funny: it didn't seem like a hard workout as I only felt pain a handful of times, but I came away from it WEARY for a good time thereafter. "But, I didn't do ANYTHING!"

It was a good time for audiobook listening as I'm closing out on a 35-hour text.

This morning, I picked up another Garmin badge that I sighted months ago and finally picked up May's version:

May Step Month - Join this challenge and record 300,000 steps in May.

Yeah, this challenge was something that came out of my New Year's Resolutions. While I missed out on each of the first four months, I am ecstatic that I am now in position to complete each month for the rest of the year. In the same vein, while missing on the first quarter, I am glad that I am now on my way to completing the second segment of the 365-mile yearlong challenge.

The challenge this week is how to shake this dreadful weariness. Even during my lifting this morning, I found myself sitting on the bench after my Arnold presses, instead of immediately popping up after each set. Maybe cutting from 12 to 10 tbsps of butter in the morning was a mistake? I wanted to hold 2 in reserve for a fun, mid-day drink.

This is another song I heard for the first time the other day and KNEW this Shinedown-like, Alter Bridge cover was going inside The 32nd Expedition playlist:

On this day, it's so real to me,
Everything has come to life
Another chance to chase a dream,
Another chance to feel,
Chance to feel alive
...
I'll never long for what might have been
Regret won't waste my life again
I won't look back
I'll fight to remain.

Yesterday

I decidedly did not like yesterday morning's performance at the gym. That's not me. Later that day, I did two miles of yard work, mowing, a bit of weedwacking, blowing and removing an accumulation of honeysuckle debris. My pool had all sorts of debris, so I waded around for the next 30 minutes with my mop-up duty. Incidentally, I spent 2 ½ hours in direct sunlight with this ol' shaved head and a nary a burn. Carnivore FTW.

You'd think I made up for that morning's fitness lapse; maybe I did. But, I wanted to leave no doubt. That evening, I went back up to the gym and spent time on the treadmill, despite my dislike of evenings at the gym.

Today

I was in good rhythm today and spent a moment before 4 AM to kick things off. I actually earned the I Am the Night badge—I love this concept so much—not realizing I have been within a minute of earning that thing every weekday for nearly 5 weeks! All I had to do was record a workout between the hours of 10 PM to 4 AM.

It was my Legs day, a series of exercises that make a bigger impact as I do my cardio thereafter. 47 minutes later, I headed down the road to the gym to complete my hour on the treadmill. As I stumbled out the door and down the gym walk in my return, I came away with the satisfaction that I accomplished what I set out to do. I looked forward to June 19's weigh-in. THIS is how I win: I earn it day in, day out.